seven.

today...

kind of kicked ass.

=]

six, and slightly upsetting.

Another boring, regular, normal day of school completed.

I'm sick of the shame old shit, but who isn't.

Lately I've been plagued with secrets sort of. Things i don't want to tell my friends because i know their opinion on the topic is the exact opposite as mine. Things i don't want to share with them for fear of ridicule, or fear of rejection by them. I honestly can't let my friends run my life like this. It's oppressive and it makes me want to pull my hair out. I know that what I need to tell them they'll be mad because they hold a two year old stupid grudge. even though I've let mine go and I have more reason to keep it. I find them to be so hostile to the past, like if something bad happened about 5 years ago they'd still cut that persons throat. And for what? Because they said something bad, because they looked at you wrong, because of an awkward crush that happened in middle school. I don't know but that is one instance where our ideas and beliefs clash strongly.

I don't want to hold a person captive in a bad impression forever. If they have proved themselves, then why still hold a grudge?

This is a huge part of whats going on in my mind right now. Since, the conflicting opinion is do I or don't I? Do I tell them about this idea in my head, this feeling i have. Or don't I, and keep it to myself and avoid conflict and take the easy route. It's slightly obnoxious. Two of them might accept it, but one might not. But I'm guessing they'll all gang up against me, what usually happens since its fun for them to ignite drama into their lives that makes them seem like the victims.

Yet, another conflicting idea and concern I'm having about my friends. Don't get me wrong, I think of them as siblings, pretty much sisters. But I can't excuse them for their sort of wrong ideas about things.

Its almost like if you were to hit someone, it leaves a mark but fades away. For them, that mark stays with them until death. For me, the mark stays with me until the person who created it shows me that it can be erased.

I don't know...that analogy was kind of awkward...but the point was made.

I'm thinking I should just go for it and not talk to them about it. Its me that has to make the decision anyways, not them.

just a little note...

since im in to this whole freegan thing now,
i decided im not eating ANYTHING that is processed or not organic.

if i cant read the ingrediants i cant eat it.

no oreos
no cake
no cookies
no juices
no teas [unless organic!]
no caribou coffee [they do have organic coffee there though...]
no starbucks coffee
no food loaded with sugar
no food loaded with carbs
no food loaded with salt
no processed food whatsoever.

i will drink water, and be loving some vegetables and fruits and tofu 24/7
=]]]

number four =]

OPRAH HAS CHANGED MY LIFE!

seriously,

that woman is a genius.

so on today's episode she talked about freegans. who are anti-consumerism, community loving, socially concerned people. They get [well some not most] their food from grocery store dumpsters, when they would have no need to be thrown away.

www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freegan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dAOyUimAPQ

Basically, these people that call themselves freegans, are anti-consumerismerists [dont kill me if i didnt spell that right] who are totally looking out for our future. Being in a country that wastes so fckn much, and really doesnt care to change it's ways [except for the recent "Green" movement that really is kind of a joke, but atleast people are getting the point] it truly opened my eyes.

Freegans precycle [buying things in bulk to help reduce air pollution used when recyclables are melted down.] where they avoid junk mail, and choose to read things such as magazines online to avoid the obnoxious amount of paper.

They also dumpster dive.YES! the go in the garbage to get food, I was really grossed out when hearing this. They go to grocery store garbages, and look through them to get grocerys. Everything they get is pretty much what you have in your refridgerator.Think about it....the day you buy your stuff in the grocery store...you eat it. And a couple weeks after that you still eat it. Freegans are doing the EXACT same thing, only their taking the food that YOU [well not you, but it was with the food that you bought] that day and eating it. Because its in the "garbage" we qualify it as bad. And because grocery stores have crazy restrictions on how long they can keep things out to sell, the food the Freegans get is perfectly edible and fine.

Freegans also use furniture that has been thrown out. And supposdely is "not useable"It seems gross, dirty, useless, dumb, and ridiculous all at the same time.

But think of how much you waste. When you throw away a paper towel, when you brush your teeth all the water you use, all the paper you use from school worksheets. If you have worksheets from like chemistry that are blank on one side, use that side for math homework or notes rather than throwing that shit away.Making the future liveble for our grandchildrens children is all resting on us. And just because your lazy, and dont feel like stepping out of what you normally do, is an honestly dumb excuse not to help the world around you.

thats my peace rap for today. take it into consideration.

anyways, a tout a l'heure